A Year And A Half

Didn't I just do Matthew's 1-year-old post post, like, yesterday?  Sheesh.  Can't believe my little man is 18 months old!

Matthew is still so BUSY.  The boy does not sit still unless he is BEYOND tired, on your lap, and watching a show that he is really, really interested in.  This is usually a short snippet of Elmo or Baby Einstein.  I know, you'd think he'd be interested in other things by now - the movie Cars?  Toy Story?  Even other cartoons?  But no... he's really not a big TV watcher.  I suppose I should enjoy this while I can, because I'm sure it won't be long until he's begging me to watch movies all the time, but it would be nice if I could get him to sit still for 5 minutes while I'm nursing or whatever.  Even when we're reading books he has to get through the book pretty quickly so that he can stand up between each book and get his wiggles out.  Sometimes I look at moms at church or playgroup with these kids that seriously just SIT there and play with a toy.  It's amazing to see.  It's okay though - I love my active little man.... though it does make for tricky Sacrament Meetings.

Don't get me wrong though - Matthew is seriously such a good kid.  He doesn't throw tantrums (yet?  I know, the normal starting-tantrum-age is still a few months away....) and never cries when he doesn't get what he wants.  If he's mad, he whines for a second and then moves on.  He plays really well with other kids and loves to share.  Seeing him around others always makes me proud.  I know he's still young, and the terrible 2's are looming in the near future, but I have a feeling that he'll be a relatively easy kid when it comes to his behavior, even when he gets a little older.  He really does have such a good and kind heart.  It's one of my absolute favorite things about him.

Matthew has never been a pro sleeper.  As a newborn he seriously NEVER slept, and even once I got him on a schedule, it seems like he often wakes up prematurely and needs more sleep than he gets.  We joke that it's because he's like his dad and doesn't want to miss out on anything.  The only reason Matthew is ever grumpy is because of lack of enough sleep.

Matthew is a champ at motor skills, and not such a champ at speaking.  ;-)  I'm not worried at all - he DOES speak, he is just learning veeery slowly.  He is still in the learning-a-new-word-or-two-a-week phase, and hasn't really taken off with his talking.  He does, however, understand almost everything we say to him, and is getting really good at communicating.  I'm just waiting for him to one day say out of the blue, "Oh hey Mom, can I have a cracker?"

Matthew's favorite foods include Goldfish, any type of cookie or cracker, fruit snacks, noddles, and sugar.  Sigh.  Luckily he is pretty good about eating the normal meals I give him, but if you want to be his best friend, give him something salty or sugary.

And can I talk about Matthew as a big brother for a minute?  He is a fabulous big brother!  Obviously he is still very young, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how good he is with Kate for his age.  He likes to cover her with blankets when she's in her swing.  He also likes to "help" me change her diaper by handing me one of HIS diapers and then showing me her belly button and her nose.  He checks on her often when she's sleeping and if she makes a whimper, he'll look to me like, "Hey Mom, the baby needs you!"  :-)  It's pretty cute.  Sometimes he tries to tickle her, and he pats her on the head to check in with her.  The other day I was patting Kate on the back to burp her and he came up to us and starting patting her on the back as well.  So cute.  I love watching him be a big brother to her.  I just have to be careful to never put Kate on the floor when Matthew is around.  The floor is the Matthew Danger Zone, and she'd likely get trampled or have a few toys or books thrown at her if she were put there. Not because he's trying to be mean, but because he'd want to "share" or play with her.

Matthew loves interactive books, rocks, the moon, toys that move on their own, baths, the park, wrestling with Michael, jumping on the bed, getting into things, animals, making messes, popping bubbles, balloons, and being chased and caught. He is so sweet and smart and so much fun.  Love you bud!

Kate's First White Dress

We blessed Kate here in Phoenix yesterday.  My parents came down for the occasion and as usual, made me feel like I was on vacation.  They even took over kid duty for a few hours on Saturday and me and Michael got out to see a movie!  I love my kids to death, but it sure was nice being out with just Michael!  Thanks Mom and Dad!

Anyway, the blessing was perfect.  I kinda expected Kate to cry through most of it, but she was a champ and didn't make a peep!  (I think she slept).  :-)  

I made the mistake of saying to Michael as I was getting Kate dressed, "Awww, this is her first of many white dresses...."  It made him emotional, so he considered it a very rude thing to say.  ;-)  It's true though, and I'm so thankful that I've been given the responsibility and blessing of raising a daughter.  Kate really does bring such a special spirit into our home.

Life With 2

So pretty much everyone knows that I've been terrified of having two kids from the second I saw two pink lines on that stick.  I was excited and happy as well of course, but definitely scared.  My worry increased as soon as my mother-in-law left last week and I knew that starting the following Monday (this week) when Michael left for work I'd be on my own for the first time with a newborn and a very young toddler.  

In all honesty, Monday was a bit of a nightmare.  The morning started out okay, but by about 4 p.m. I had tears in my eyes.  Both kids were crying and I felt like I couldn't be there fully for either one.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Michael got home.  Tuesday was better.  Wednesday was hard but it started to feel different.... This new life I had that involved taking care of two kids started to feel more like the new normal.  So on Thursday, I decided to take both kids out.  By myself.  Somewhere other than for a quick "walk" within a 20 foot radius of our apartment.  This might seem silly to you, but it was a big deal to me.  I kept it simple by taking them to a nearby park.  I chose a park with a parking lot that was super close to the play area and that also tended to not be very crowded.

By far the hardest part was getting OUT THE DOOR.  Ha!  It seriously took two hours after I started attempting to get out for us to actually get into the dang car!  Kate needed to eat.  Then Matthew needed lunch.  Then Kate needed a diaper change.  Then she needed to eat again.  Matthew lost his shoe and then needed a diaper change.  We finally found the shoe/changed his diaper and Kate had fallen asleep.  She got startled when Matthew kicked her car seat and wakes up crying and takes a while to calm down.  And then she needed to eat.  (This girl EATS, let me tell you.  It'll be nice when I get her on a proper eating schedule).  Matthew started whining because he was getting impatient and I'm about ready to give up on getting out for the day.  But then I decided that just because it's hard doesn't mean that I just give up on it.  If I started living that way, we'd never do a dang thing, and that is definitely not the kind of mom that I want to be.  So I finally get Matthew and Kate out the door and we're off!

Guess what?  The park was awesome.  Well, every second wasn't awesome, but it sure was great to get us all out of the house.  Matthew was in heaven.  

Awesome parts:

Not-so-awesome parts:

We even made it back to the park again today!  Baby steps.  ;-)

We also decided to make, "Something being hard is NOT an excuse to not do it" a family motto.  While I think it's very important to give myself a break sometimes (okay, OFTEN) :-) and not expect perfection from myself or anyone else, it's also important to remember that most things that are awesome really aren't very easy.... so unless I want to live a less-than-stellar life, I'd better remember that.

You know something else I've learned?  I'm still really not doing this on my own.  I have awesome friends, family, and VT's who have made my life so much easier this week.  Two wonderful ladies brought me dinner, and a couple others brought me treats.  Others gave me words of encouragement, and even texts asking me how I'm doing have made a difference.  I really hope that I can become more charitable and thoughtful after witnessing the way these women have blessed my life this week.

Oh, and for the record, I really love having two kids.  We're all learning to be more patient and we're figuring it out.  Together. Despite the bad/hard moments, this is my new normal and I am thrilled about it.  I'd do it over again in a heartbeat.

Kate's binky fell out, and Matthew put it back in for her.  This is a big deal for him because he usually tries to steal it.  I actually thought I'd be getting a picture of Matthew with the binky in his mouth, but got this picture instead.  Warms my heart!  ;-)

Love these two.  So glad that I have them, and that they have each other. 

Kate Emily Byram

Oh hey!  I have a daughter!  Kate was born on 1/16/13 at 12:24 a.m.  She weighed 7 lbs 15 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long.

As I sit to write her birth story, I want to both laugh and cry. Some of it was pretty awful, but overall it was so special and amazing and I will treasure it forever because it is the experience that brought me my baby Kate.

The morning of Tuesday, 1/15 I had a regular doctor's appointment. I was 39 1/2 weeks and was actually kinda surprised that I was still pregnant. I had already had a few looooong nights of timing contractions over the past few weeks.  Some of these contractions had even started to hurt, but then they eventually went away by morning.  Kind of frustrating.  Anyway, I was dilated to a 3 1/2.  The doctor stripped my membranes and told me that he was pretty sure I'd be going into labor within the next few days. I wasn't so sure since Kate seemed super comfortable in there, but I hoped he was right. 

Well, me and Matthew had a pretty regular day. We went for a walk, went to Target, and played at home. I had a couple contractions, but nothing unusual. After Michael got home we ate dinner and then all hung out until we put Matthew to bed around 8. I noticed that I had a couple more contractions but still didn't think much of it. I took a shower and just kinda hung out around the house with Michael. Well, the contractions got a little more frequent so I decided to start timing them. Michael got excited and assumed I was in labor but I laughed at him and told him that I was just doing this as a precaution and that it probably meant nothing. Well, after 20 minutes of this I decided to get things ready for the hospital... You know, just in case. ;-) Michael got even more excited but I told him to knock it off because I didn't want us to get our hopes up.  After all, this was not the first time I was timing contractions.  After another half hour, Michael suggested loading our stuff in the car - once again, "just in case."  It took me a couple more contractions to agree to this because my contractions actually weren't at all regular. However, they were getting more uncomfortable so eventually I agreed. Then, finally, I had a contraction that made me stop dead in my tracks. It was the worst one I'd had so far this pregnancy.  When I looked up and saw Michael's face, I knew that he firmly believed that Kate was on her way. I was of course in denial still, but didn't put up too much of a fight when Michael said that we should get Matthew up and drive in the general direction of the house of our friends who were going to watch Matthew. Well, I'm very thankful for a husband that made all this happen because by the time we reached our friends house, I was definitely in a LOT of pain and ready to admit that we should definitely be headed to the hospital.  We got there about 20 minutes later and even though I'd already filled out all my paperwork, I still had to sit and answer a bunch of questions.  At this point, I was still in control despite being in a lot of pain.  The lady would wait patiently for me to breathe through a contraction before continuing on with the questions.  I was pretty proud of myself for handling the pain relatively well thus far.  Then, it was off to triage.  By now, it was after 11 p.m.

Now, my hospital in Nashville where I delivered Matthew didn't have triage, so I got to skip that step last time.  And you know what?  As common as triage is, I DO NOT LIKE IT!  Seriously - I get that it's necessary for a lot of women, but I really just hate it.  After I got in a gown and got hooked up, the triage nurse checked me and announced that I was at a 3 1/2.  Um, WHAT???  I was at a 3 1/2 at my doctor's appointment earlier that day!  I was sure that she was stupid and should be fired immediately.  She then told me that she was going to wait about an hour to see if I progressed and then, if I progressed at least a full cm, I'd be admitted.  I felt a sense of panic.  There was no way I was only a 3 1/2!  I had done this before and I KNEW I was in labor, and I was already in SO much pain.  An hour seemed like an absolute eternity.  When she left I looked at Michael and vented my heart out.  My plan was to get admitted immediately and get my epidural 2 seconds later.  (A girl can dream, right?)  Agh.  Michael was wonderful and tried to keep me distracted while also being super supportive.  A few minutes later the nurse came back and told me to turn on my side in order to get better readings on my contractions and Kate's heartbeat.  This is when things took a major turn for the worse.  After turning on my side, the contractions went from really bad to absolutely horrific.  I felt myself starting to lose control but really wanted to stay calm.  I was still in triage for goodness sake! I tried breathing really well and going to "happy places."  That didn't help at all.  There are no happy places when you're in that much pain - at least not for me.  I started yelling out during contractions and squeezing Michael's hand to death.  I heard myself telling Michael that I didn't want to do this anymore - I wanted to just go home and have the pain go away.  Well, the nurse heard me yelling and came back.  Even though it had only been about 15 minutes since I entered triage, she checked me again, and to my horror, told me that I was at a 3 1/2.  I wanted to kill her.  I was sure that she had no idea what she was doing and was not qualified to be a nurse.  I told her I wanted an epidural right then, (ha) and she told me that an epidural couldn't happen until I'd received fluids, had labs done, and oh yeah, BEEN ADMITTED!  When she walked away again, I really, really started to panic.  I knew panicking wouldn't do a dang thing to help me, but I couldn't help myself.  I started yelling louder during contractions and started begging Michael to knock me out.  (I know. Not my proudest moment).  :-)  Michael left to go talk to the nurse to see if there was something else that could be done (seriously, I love him) and the nurse told him that she was already trying to get me a prescription for morphine.  This didn't make me feel any better.  I just wanted my dang epidural.  After about 2 or 3 more contractions I think it became apparent to the nurse that I wasn't some silly girl who had no idea what labor pain was really like because she came back in to talk to me.  Before she could even say anything, my water broke.  I told her what was happening and she checked me again.  Just like that, I was almost a 6.  I had gone from a 3 1/2 to a 6 in 5 minutes!  I was horrified but just a little happy at the same time because I could finally finally finally get out of triage!!!!!  She got on the phone immediately and I heard her say something about fast progression and that I would need to be wheeled on the bed to Labor and Delivery.  I reminded her for the 1000th time that I wanted an epidural.  :-)  She immediately stuck me to get my fluids going and then everything started to become a blur. 

The pain was excruciating and any embarrassment I could have had over my behavior went out the window. Some nurses came in and I was being wheeled very fast down halls and I was screaming. Not yelling. Screaming. I remember a nurse asking someone who the anesthesiologist was and someone answered, "Dr. Lee."  The nurse mumbled something about that being a bummer because he was very picky about getting lab results back before getting an epidural. Michael told me later that he hoped I didn't hear that but I did and I felt so hopeless and horrified. I remember being wheeled into a room and the nurses telling me to slide from the bed I was on to the bed I would deliver on. They might as well have asked me to climb Mt. Everest.  (But eventually I managed).  :-)  I remember wondering why there seemed to be no relief between contractions. I heard a nurse make a call and tell the doctor on the other line that she knew he had a C-section to do right then but that he needed to come here first because someone was progressing extremely fast and would be delivering any minute.  Then I heard a man's voice in the room, and someone called him Dr. Lee.  Dr. Lee?  That was the anesthesiologist!  I looked over to him and begged, "Can I have an epidural right now please please please please please?????'" He laughed and said, "How can I refuse that?"  He then asked me if I'd promise to sign all the paperwork for the epidural as soon as I was able.  I told him I'd sign whatever he wanted me to sign, whenever he wanted me to sign it.  I was seriously willing to sign my life away if that's what it took.  He quickly went to work setting things up for my epidural, bless his heart.  

I was checked again.  I was a 9+.  I felt the need to push but didn't want to tell anyone because I was afraid that they'd then tell me I couldn't have my epidural. I was still screaming through every contraction. The desire to push took over and I couldn't help myself from pushing. A nurse saw me doing so and told me to try as hard as I could  to breathe quickly through those urges to push and to not push. Uh, anyone who has delivered naturally knows that that's totally impossible. I tried anyway to do what she said.  Then Dr. Lee told me to sit up for my epidural. I grabbed onto Michael and screamed (in his ear- oops) through my contractions as Dr. Lee did my epidural. Looking back, he must be good because he sure placed it fast. At the time, it felt like a million years. I wanted to feel numb immediately but my next contraction was just as awful. I yelled that I was going to throw up and someone handed Michael a barf bag to hold for me. I was checked. 10 cm!!! By now the doctor who would deliver Kate was there and he and the nurses were rushing to get everything ready for delivery. It was ready within a minute and the doctor said it would only be a push or two until my baby would be born. I hoped that my epidural was kicking in. The urge to push came 2 seconds later and I pushed.  Michael and the nurses were coaching me and cheering me on. I remember Michael saying, "She's almost here... You're doing great... She's almost here...." One more push, major burning, and then out she came! Relief! Kate was put on my chest. I cried. It was I over and I got the most amazing prize. A beautiful daughter! She didn't cry immediately but after some encouragement and suction she let out her first cries. It was surreal and I was so, so happy. I looked at Michael and said, "She looks just like Matthew," and he laughed and agreed. We enjoyed our first few minutes with Kate and loved taking in all her features. Life was so so good.

There are a few moments in my life that are permanently etched into my brain in perfect detail.  Among these moments include walking into my first class at BYU, kneeling across the altar from Michael, and holding both of my babies for the first time.  At the risk of sounding extremely cheesy, I am so blessed and thankful for both of my beautiful and healthy children.  Family really is the best thing isn't it?

After everything calmed down (and I finally signed all my hospital admittance paperwork, haha) I couldn't sleep well. I think I was on a baby high. :-)  I was also excited to see Matthew and have him meet his sister. He came later that day when my mom got into town and brought him. It went pretty much how I thought-  he wasn't that interested in Kate and pretty much just wanted to open cupboards and run around the room. ;-) I loved it anyway. He then went home with my mom while me and Michael stayed at the hospital. We went home the morning if the 17th. I was anxious to get home and get started on our life there. My mom stayed 5 days and I'm pretty sure Matthew has never had so much fun. We were all pretty depressed when she left. Luckily my mother-in-law came to the rescue and Matthew loves playing with her as well. Don't ask me how I'm feeling about next week when I'll be on my own with Matthew and Kate. It gives me anxiety.  :-/  :-)

Anyway, recovery has been awesome ( WAY better this time) and Kate fits in perfectly. She is so cute and loves to cuddle. She has the most girly squeal and cry and it makes us laugh.  She's kind of a drama queen about getting her diaper changed.  She really, really, really hates it.  She doesn't sleep great but that's no surprise- she's a newborn after all.  :-)  She's hungry all the time and very strong. As hard and tiring as these days are, (and they sure are hard and tiring!) I'm loving and cherishing her newborn-hood as much as I can.  As I've already learned, before I can blink I'll be watching her dig into her first birthday cake.

And now some pictures!

first family photo

 going home!

 With Grandma.  Thanks Mom for helping and giving Matthew so much TLC when I couldn't.

 first bath

 Yes, he's smitten.  If you want to get him worked up and upset, talk about Kate getting married.  :-)

And Matthew?  Most of the time he's pretty disinterested.  However, when he is interested, he's pretty dang good with her.  I have to watch him like a hawk because he "shares" with her by trying to shove toys in her face, but he is learning to be gentle.  This is him tickling her feet.  :-)  I love these two.

While We Wait

I promised myself that I wouldn't get too impatient while waiting for Baby Girl to make her appearance, even if she decided to be fashionably late.  So far, I think I've been doing pretty well, but it does get harder as that due date draws closer and closer.  (One more week!  Ahh!)  While this pregnancy has mostly seemed to fly by, it has started passing just a little slower these last few weeks.  So, to help pass the time while also enjoying every moment, we've found lots to keep us busy around here.

Me and Matthew go on walks every day, and we almost always end up at the park.  On weekends, Michael joins us.

Lots of family date nights!  Sometimes we go get treats, sometimes we walk around stores, and sometimes we run errands.  (I guess errands don't really count as date nights though).  :-)

Shopping with both Michael and Matthew is always interesting.  I'm kinda surprised we haven't been kicked out of a few stores by now.  ;-)  At least Matthew is always entertained!

Lots of fun and relaxing baths!  Well, more fun for Matthew, and more relaxing for me.

I have a feeling that I won't be getting out during the day nearly as much once I have two little ones to tote around, so I take Matthew out quite a few times every day.  Today, we hit up Barnes and Noble so I could read Matthew the cute little Valentine's Day books.  (Oh how I will miss this when, all too soon, Matthew will no longer want to read "cute little Valentine's Day books.")

And we are staying as active as possible!  (Not like I have much of a choice with Matthew around).  ;-)  It's always nice though to be able to relax a little more in the evenings when Michael comes home since he can take over the role of being crazy with Matthew for a bit.... even if I occasionally find them doing things like jumping on the bed and messing it all up.  ;-)

And I've done a little crafting!  Mostly baby girl stuff.  Here's a hair bow holder I made for her - definitely simple, but kinda cute!

It's funny how different every pregnancy really is.  With Matthew I had maybe 10 total Braxton Hicks contractions during my pregnancy, (none of which were even remotely uncomfortable) and was barely dilated at all when I went into labor 10 days early.  With this one, I've been dilated to a 3 for a few weeks now and have had SO many contractions that have often kept me up most of the night... and I'm now only a week from my due date.  Can't wait to find out when this little lady will come!  In the meantime, I'm going to keep enjoying these super fun days with my crazy boys!