Some Random Mom Thoughts

1.  During Matthew's first year of life, I always made jokes about how I was such a first-time mom when it came to things I worried about.... but in my head I always thought, "But really I'm going to worry about all these things with every kid."  Hah.  Nope.  I really do worry so much less this time around.  Of course there is still some worry - and I think there always will be, but I stress so much less about the random red mark on her skin or if there is a teensy tiny chance that she could be getting sick.

This girl will be tough as nails, I tell you.

2.  You know how when you're a brand new mom, you go through about 100 wipes to change one diaper?  And then by a month into the whole mom thing you've basically figured out how to clean a blowout with one wipe, and you make fun of your husband who still tends to go through 100 wipes per messy diaper?  I am very embarrassed to admit that I am not one of those moms - I still use WAY too many wipes for one messy diaper.  Considering I have two kids in diapers, this is very sad.  I'm not sure why I haven't mastered this skill.  It's not like I'm not getting practice.

3.  Both baby girls and baby boys are incredibly awesome.  However, it's soooo true that girls are way more fun to dress up (duh, right?) - and I'm living it up with the whole dress-up thing.  I seriously take pictures of her every day in whatever she's wearing.  There are a lot of things about raising a daughter that have already started weighing heavily on my mind, (in particular, teaching her about her worth in a world that will constantly tell her that she's not good/smart/pretty enough....I could devote a whole post to this) so before things start getting complicated, I'm going to live up the non-complication of cute clothes and accessories as much as I can.  

She likes dressing up more than it looks like she does.  ;-)

4.  Matthew is bored.  :-/  I pride myself on getting both kids out almost every day, but let's face it - it's never for very long, and Matthew spends most of the day cooped up in our small apartment.  I'm trying to be creative and come up with new activities, but ahhhhh, it's getting harder and harder.  SOS.  If anyone has any awesome toddler activities to help keep him busy, please share.

5.  Kate will be 2 months old this week.  WHAT!?  So basically, we've moved from the newborn phase to the very small baby phase.  So sad, and also such a relief.  Ha!  I will forever miss my little squishy newborn, but oh how I love the laugh/play/alert phase!!  So much fun.  Now if somebody could please just tell her that the screaming for over an hour every night before bed really isn't necessary....

Breaks my heart!

6.  Sometimes I have awesome days.  And sometimes, my days are not quite so awesome.  And then every now and then I have a really bad day.  One day last week I was feeling especially discouraged with myself and read something that stuck with me - "I do my best every day, and I have learned that my best is not the same every day. It took me a long time to realize that that was okay.  Learn from my journey.  Give yourself permission to just survive today.  Because you are amazing."  I love that.  I am extremely lucky and blessed to have a lot of good days... but those bad days have and will continue to happen sometimes.... and if I don't have perfect patience with the kids while taking them on amazingly fun outings and keeping them both entertained all day while also keeping the house clean and doing laundry and making a super delicious and nutritionally balanced dinner while also finding time to do all the other random stuff that needs done, that is okay.  More than okay.  I am learning to prioritize and to accept that sometimes I just won't get much done.  And at the end of the day, if I'm not as patient as I wish I had been, it's comforting to know that I can always try again tomorrow, and these little munchkins of mine are more than forgiving.  They teach me so much.

Flagstaff

Me and Michael have been wanting to take Matthew to the snow in Flagstaff (a little over two hours away) since December.  However, December was super busy, and then January?  We (correctly) guessed that my labor could be really quick and never wanted to take the chance of me going into labor while nowhere near my doctor or hospital.  (Probably smart).  Well, once the baby came it seemed like going just might not happen.  Snow isn't very plentiful in Arizona, even in Flagstaff, so we really didn't want to make the trek up there with two littles unless it was going to at least be good snow.  And then, it snowed in Phoenix last week.  Well, northern Phoenix.  We actually got none of it near our apartment, but still.  Snow in Phoenix???  Craziness.  And we knew the snow in Flagstaff would be pretty awesome.  So we decided to brave the trip and head north over the weekend for a day trip.

Me and Michael have plenty of snow clothes from our college days, but our poor desert babies own maybe one or two sweatshirts each.  Haha.  We brought lots and lots of layers for Matthew, plenty of snacks, and all kinds of other random bags of stuff (amazing how much more you have to pack with babies/toddlers!) and jumped in the car on Saturday morning.  The drive was smooth sailing. Kate slept and Matthew was an angel as long as we occasionally sang Old MacDonald and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and kept the Goldfish coming.  And it was really nice to be able to just sit and talk to Michael.

We got to Flagstaff and didn't even have to go up the mountain - since Matthew is so young and we wouldn't be sledding or anything, we just found a park in the city and went there to play.  Nice, because it was definitely warmer and easier than going up the mountain.  I fed Kate in the car and watched while Michael took Matthew out to the snow.  I actually suspected that Matthew might not be the biggest fan, but as it turns out, he thought it was awesome.  Seeing his reaction made the whole trip worth it right there.

And then I got out (with Kate snuggled in her car seat) and joined them.  I don't care at all that Matthew has probably already pretty much forgotten his experience in the snow - I'm just happy that he had such a great time and that we made more family memories.

Yeah, Matthew's wearing my gloves.  At first he didn't want to, but a quick fall in the snow made him change his mind.  :)  Life was much better after he put them on.

And then, a quick stop to Chick-Fil-A for lunch and diaper changes before heading home.

There was definitely some whining/crying on the way home, but it was mostly smooth as well.  So glad we went.

On another note, yesterday was Matthew's first official day of nursery!  He did well, as I assumed he would. After dropping him off he went straight for the toys and didn't look back.  Really - he wouldn't even look at me when I tried to tell him good-bye.  And when Michael tried to give him a kiss good-bye, he shoved Michael away.  Ha!  That's our Matthew.  ;-)  He was, however, happy to see us when we came to pick him up.... so maybe he kinda loves us after all.  

Kate is doing well, though she screams literally every night at bedtime for a solid two hours.  (Or more).  It's awful.  Nothing can be done to stop it - and trust me, we've tried everything.  Luckily she makes up for it by being pretty good during the day and having the cutest little smile in the world.  Gosh I love my babies!

A Year And A Half

Didn't I just do Matthew's 1-year-old post post, like, yesterday?  Sheesh.  Can't believe my little man is 18 months old!

Matthew is still so BUSY.  The boy does not sit still unless he is BEYOND tired, on your lap, and watching a show that he is really, really interested in.  This is usually a short snippet of Elmo or Baby Einstein.  I know, you'd think he'd be interested in other things by now - the movie Cars?  Toy Story?  Even other cartoons?  But no... he's really not a big TV watcher.  I suppose I should enjoy this while I can, because I'm sure it won't be long until he's begging me to watch movies all the time, but it would be nice if I could get him to sit still for 5 minutes while I'm nursing or whatever.  Even when we're reading books he has to get through the book pretty quickly so that he can stand up between each book and get his wiggles out.  Sometimes I look at moms at church or playgroup with these kids that seriously just SIT there and play with a toy.  It's amazing to see.  It's okay though - I love my active little man.... though it does make for tricky Sacrament Meetings.

Don't get me wrong though - Matthew is seriously such a good kid.  He doesn't throw tantrums (yet?  I know, the normal starting-tantrum-age is still a few months away....) and never cries when he doesn't get what he wants.  If he's mad, he whines for a second and then moves on.  He plays really well with other kids and loves to share.  Seeing him around others always makes me proud.  I know he's still young, and the terrible 2's are looming in the near future, but I have a feeling that he'll be a relatively easy kid when it comes to his behavior, even when he gets a little older.  He really does have such a good and kind heart.  It's one of my absolute favorite things about him.

Matthew has never been a pro sleeper.  As a newborn he seriously NEVER slept, and even once I got him on a schedule, it seems like he often wakes up prematurely and needs more sleep than he gets.  We joke that it's because he's like his dad and doesn't want to miss out on anything.  The only reason Matthew is ever grumpy is because of lack of enough sleep.

Matthew is a champ at motor skills, and not such a champ at speaking.  ;-)  I'm not worried at all - he DOES speak, he is just learning veeery slowly.  He is still in the learning-a-new-word-or-two-a-week phase, and hasn't really taken off with his talking.  He does, however, understand almost everything we say to him, and is getting really good at communicating.  I'm just waiting for him to one day say out of the blue, "Oh hey Mom, can I have a cracker?"

Matthew's favorite foods include Goldfish, any type of cookie or cracker, fruit snacks, noddles, and sugar.  Sigh.  Luckily he is pretty good about eating the normal meals I give him, but if you want to be his best friend, give him something salty or sugary.

And can I talk about Matthew as a big brother for a minute?  He is a fabulous big brother!  Obviously he is still very young, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how good he is with Kate for his age.  He likes to cover her with blankets when she's in her swing.  He also likes to "help" me change her diaper by handing me one of HIS diapers and then showing me her belly button and her nose.  He checks on her often when she's sleeping and if she makes a whimper, he'll look to me like, "Hey Mom, the baby needs you!"  :-)  It's pretty cute.  Sometimes he tries to tickle her, and he pats her on the head to check in with her.  The other day I was patting Kate on the back to burp her and he came up to us and starting patting her on the back as well.  So cute.  I love watching him be a big brother to her.  I just have to be careful to never put Kate on the floor when Matthew is around.  The floor is the Matthew Danger Zone, and she'd likely get trampled or have a few toys or books thrown at her if she were put there. Not because he's trying to be mean, but because he'd want to "share" or play with her.

Matthew loves interactive books, rocks, the moon, toys that move on their own, baths, the park, wrestling with Michael, jumping on the bed, getting into things, animals, making messes, popping bubbles, balloons, and being chased and caught. He is so sweet and smart and so much fun.  Love you bud!

Kate's First White Dress

We blessed Kate here in Phoenix yesterday.  My parents came down for the occasion and as usual, made me feel like I was on vacation.  They even took over kid duty for a few hours on Saturday and me and Michael got out to see a movie!  I love my kids to death, but it sure was nice being out with just Michael!  Thanks Mom and Dad!

Anyway, the blessing was perfect.  I kinda expected Kate to cry through most of it, but she was a champ and didn't make a peep!  (I think she slept).  :-)  

I made the mistake of saying to Michael as I was getting Kate dressed, "Awww, this is her first of many white dresses...."  It made him emotional, so he considered it a very rude thing to say.  ;-)  It's true though, and I'm so thankful that I've been given the responsibility and blessing of raising a daughter.  Kate really does bring such a special spirit into our home.

Life With 2

So pretty much everyone knows that I've been terrified of having two kids from the second I saw two pink lines on that stick.  I was excited and happy as well of course, but definitely scared.  My worry increased as soon as my mother-in-law left last week and I knew that starting the following Monday (this week) when Michael left for work I'd be on my own for the first time with a newborn and a very young toddler.  

In all honesty, Monday was a bit of a nightmare.  The morning started out okay, but by about 4 p.m. I had tears in my eyes.  Both kids were crying and I felt like I couldn't be there fully for either one.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Michael got home.  Tuesday was better.  Wednesday was hard but it started to feel different.... This new life I had that involved taking care of two kids started to feel more like the new normal.  So on Thursday, I decided to take both kids out.  By myself.  Somewhere other than for a quick "walk" within a 20 foot radius of our apartment.  This might seem silly to you, but it was a big deal to me.  I kept it simple by taking them to a nearby park.  I chose a park with a parking lot that was super close to the play area and that also tended to not be very crowded.

By far the hardest part was getting OUT THE DOOR.  Ha!  It seriously took two hours after I started attempting to get out for us to actually get into the dang car!  Kate needed to eat.  Then Matthew needed lunch.  Then Kate needed a diaper change.  Then she needed to eat again.  Matthew lost his shoe and then needed a diaper change.  We finally found the shoe/changed his diaper and Kate had fallen asleep.  She got startled when Matthew kicked her car seat and wakes up crying and takes a while to calm down.  And then she needed to eat.  (This girl EATS, let me tell you.  It'll be nice when I get her on a proper eating schedule).  Matthew started whining because he was getting impatient and I'm about ready to give up on getting out for the day.  But then I decided that just because it's hard doesn't mean that I just give up on it.  If I started living that way, we'd never do a dang thing, and that is definitely not the kind of mom that I want to be.  So I finally get Matthew and Kate out the door and we're off!

Guess what?  The park was awesome.  Well, every second wasn't awesome, but it sure was great to get us all out of the house.  Matthew was in heaven.  

Awesome parts:

Not-so-awesome parts:

We even made it back to the park again today!  Baby steps.  ;-)

We also decided to make, "Something being hard is NOT an excuse to not do it" a family motto.  While I think it's very important to give myself a break sometimes (okay, OFTEN) :-) and not expect perfection from myself or anyone else, it's also important to remember that most things that are awesome really aren't very easy.... so unless I want to live a less-than-stellar life, I'd better remember that.

You know something else I've learned?  I'm still really not doing this on my own.  I have awesome friends, family, and VT's who have made my life so much easier this week.  Two wonderful ladies brought me dinner, and a couple others brought me treats.  Others gave me words of encouragement, and even texts asking me how I'm doing have made a difference.  I really hope that I can become more charitable and thoughtful after witnessing the way these women have blessed my life this week.

Oh, and for the record, I really love having two kids.  We're all learning to be more patient and we're figuring it out.  Together. Despite the bad/hard moments, this is my new normal and I am thrilled about it.  I'd do it over again in a heartbeat.

Kate's binky fell out, and Matthew put it back in for her.  This is a big deal for him because he usually tries to steal it.  I actually thought I'd be getting a picture of Matthew with the binky in his mouth, but got this picture instead.  Warms my heart!  ;-)

Love these two.  So glad that I have them, and that they have each other.